It Kills To Love
by DemonAlilith
Summary: Hikaru has been ignoring Kaoru and it's killing Kaoru on the inside and out. Every day he feels weaker and weaker, The cause of this Hikaru but also cancer and during this time in his life he doesn't even have his big brother with him as he dies. Major Haruhi-bashing
1. A Bad Year

**This is my first Ouran story, So if some characters are OCC then don't blame me. Also because there is Haruhi bashing doesn't mean I don't like her, It is just for the story.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran, If I did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.  
**

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I felt sick to my stomach, It was like this every day since Hikaru started to hang out with Haruhi a lot and he completely forgot about me...His own brother.

Though I wanted to be more than brothers, I love my brother in a way that is considered immoral, Every since we were little Me and Hikaru always said we loved each other and no one else, That we'd never leave each other but every since Haruhi came it was never the same.

I never liked her anyway, I only talked to her and touched her and other stuff like that because it was fun and she was me and Hikaru's toy, Then she got boring so I only talked to her because Hikaru and the host club.

Right now I was thinking about all of this in class because today Hikaru just decided to sit in the back with Haruhi and leave me in the front...alone.

All I said about it was a smile and a cheerful "Sure." I could feel something in my stomach churning.

The bell rang, Have I been sitting here thinking about this.

While I was getting my stuff I noticed that Hikaru left to the club without me and went with Haruhi.

Walking to the club slowly I felt something churning in my stomach again, Maybe I was sick.

"Hello my son!" Tamaki greeted me when I came in and a "Hey Kao-chan!" From the smiling Honey and Kyouya and Mori just nodded in my direction but nothing from the two lovebirds sitting on the couch.

I sat down on another couch just watching Hikaru and Haruhi giggle and talk together.

I coughed into and I felt something wet on there, Looking at I saw a crimson liquid on my hand and it was a lot too.

Standing quickly and I felt a dizziness hit me "Hey guys I'm going to the nurse, I'll be back." I said with a smile not to worry them.

"Is something wrong with my son, Let Daddy take care of you!" Tamaki said running to me.

"No I can go by myself." I could see the worry in his eyes.

Walking out the door I noticed that Hikaru didn't even acknowledge me going but everyone else did even Haruhi, Even the one person I disliked most now noticed my pain.

Before I could reach the nurse's office, I felt a sudden wave of nausea hit me, That must have been that churning in my stomach.

Running to the bathroom quickly pushing anyone out of my way, I reached the luxurious bathroom and I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet, Which was just stomach acid since I haven't eaten in days.

When I pulled the lever to flush the toilet, I watched as not stomach acid went down the toilet but blood.

I threw up blood and a lot of it.

I fell back and all I saw was black.

I might be unconscious but I knew this was the start of a bad year.


	2. My Imagination

**Hey I'm back with another chapter and this might be a little short but I have another chapter after this so hang on tight.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran, If I did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.**

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I felt empty, Like my organs were gone...I think I'm having an epiphany.

Might as well use it to my advantage.

Things started to form around me and take shape, Then the scenery was so mesmerizing, It was breath-taking.

The was trees and vines of white roses and standing in the middle of two tree was a boy, He looked just like me and...Hikaru, It's just Hikaru in my dream.

"Hey Hika." I greeted as I walked up to him and I noticed he had darker hair than me, Almost red and his eyes were yellow.

"I'm not Hikaru, I'm Baoru or Bad Kaoru, I am all your bad thoughts and bottled up anger." This seemed right out of my manga.

"Oh well, Have long have I had these bad thoughts Baoru?" I asked truely interested.

"Since Haruhi came but so you know it isn't her fault." Baoru said in a husky voice.

"What do you mean? Of course it is her fault." I said back his voice slightly going up.

"What I mean is dumb-ass, Is that your just jealous of her so you thought she was taking Hikaru away from you." My anger answered.

"If it's not her fault...It's mine" I announced sadly.

"No it's n-" I cut him off.

"Hikaru's tired of me and thinks I'm troublesome and useless, A waste of time." I said frantically.

"N-" Being cut off by Kaoru again, Baoru turned red from anger.

"I should die, my own brother doesn't want me anymore!"I cried with tears in my eyes.

_SLAP!_

"Shut the fuck up! Don't you ever interrupt me, Got it, Listen up you little fuck while I'm here you aren't dieing, Got it!" Baoru said angrily but worried at the same time.

I nodded slowly.

Before Baoru could say anymore he started to disintegrate.

"Baoru are you ok!?" I asked worried.

Then I heard different familiar voices.

"What the fuck do you mean I have been ignoring him, He's my god damn brother!" It was Hikaru and he sounded mad.

"Even I noticed Hikaru." It was Haruhi.

"Kaoru is always sitting there alone and when he wads sick earlier you didn't even noticed!" It was Tamaki, I never heard him so mad before.

"I can't have my two sons fighting!" That was Tamaki always finding a way to be childish.

"Shut the hell up about this damn dysfunctional family you've created in you messed up mind!" That seemed a little harsh Hikaru.

I blinked my eyes a little from the harsh lights and I sat up noticed that my brother and Tamaki were still fighting back and forth.

"Kao-chan is awake." Honey said happily with a slight trace of tear tracks on his cheeks.

"Oh Kaoru! Why didn't you tell me you were getting sick." Hikaru came and hugged me, What is he talking about it was so obvious

I pushed him off of me "I'm fine." I said trying to reassure them but I knew that it wasn't working.

"Some one who is fine doesn't faint randomly." Haruhi explained to me.

A nurse walked in with a clipboard.

_**Run, They are going to question you!**_

_Baoru?_

_**No it's the tooth fairy. **_

_No need to be sarcastic._

_**Whatever, Just run!**_

_Why?_

_**Because they'll get rid of me and put you in a hospital, You don't want that do you?**_

_No._

_**Then run!**_

"Are you alright Kaoru?" The nurse must have been asking me some questions.

I jumped up out of the bed and ran towards the door "Stop him!" Tamaki commanded, I never knew he could be smart.

I felt arms around me and the grip was pretty tight as I struggled.

_Baoru help me!_

_**I -I can't.**_

_Why not!_

_**Because I'm not real.**_

_B-but my dream a-and y-you talking to me right now._

_**I-it's you brain, You can feel it and I can too, You losing you mental stability.**_

_You just said you aren't real, How do you know all that if your not real!_

_**Becasue I'm you and you know that you have cancer, I'm just you talking to yourself...I'm so sorry Kaoru.**_

_I'm crazy a-and I'm imaging things, H-how do I know all these years I-I've been alive a-aren't a figment of m-my imagination._

_**You just have to wing it.**_

I saw Hikaru in my face, His mouth was moving but nothing was coming out, More people were in my face and I couldn't place a name.

My head was hurting and blood was dripping out of my mouth, Was it over for me?

Was this how it was going to end?

My head was throbbing now, It felt as if it was on fire.

I screamed loud and the boy with the orange hair was shaking me now and was crying.

"I-it's over now." I stuttered out and my eye was twitching.

I saw a black haired-boy on his phone, What was he doing?

My biggest question of all is...Who am I?


	3. Am I Cursed

_**Disclaimer:I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, If I did Hikaru and Kaoru would be having intimate relations while they ignore Tamaki calling.**_

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I sat up and looked around me, Where am I, All I see is white.

Looking to my right I saw a boy with orange hair holding my hand, Why is he doing that.

There were more people in this odd place, I seem to not remember anything and I think all I know is that my name is...Wait, What is my name?

I think it is Kaoru, I like that name.

The boy is starting to wake up, As soon as he wakes up his arms are around me, I don't know what it is but this feels nice.

"Oh man Kaoru, I was so worried I thought you wouldn't wake up." That is my name, I like it but how does this boy know me.

"Who are you?" I voice out my thoughts.

"What do you mean, I'm you brother Hikaru, Your twin." There are droplets pouring down his face.

"I don't know, Sounds familiar but I can't seem to place you." The droplets were coming furiously out his eyes.

"What do you mean you can't place me! I'm your fucking twin!" Why was this boy, Hikaru was it, Using such language.

The other beings in the room were starting to wake up from Hikaru's yelling but I didn't really care.

The black-haired boy called someone into the room and a man in white came in with a board of some sort.

The man waved a flashlight in my eyes and I blinked, He checked my ears and I giggled, He tapped my knees with small hammer and I almost kicked him in the face.

The man in white called all the people outside leaving my in dark about my own body.

**Regular P.O.V**

"Well doctor, What as Kaoru status?" Kyouya asked smartly.

"Well, Kaoru seems to be fine, It's just his brain, So we might have to do a M.R.I." The doctor explained carefully for the more...slow people.

"What! What is a Mri, That doesn't sound good!" Hikaru worried over his little brother.

"Yeah I agree with Hikaru this Mri sounds scary." Tamaki said nodding his head.

Slapping them both on the back of their hands Haruhi explained what an M.R.I is "A M.R.I not Mri is like a x-ray for your whole body including your brain, morons." She mumbled the last part.

"Ohhh." Hikaru and Tamaki chorused together.

"I'll be setting up, Kyouya-sama you know where to go." said walking towards the end of the hall.

**Kaoru's P.O.V**

I looked and saw the people including the Hikaru boy enter the room with all impassive expressions, Some more passive then others.

"Kaoru I would like for you to come with me." The black-haired boy said with an aura of authority around him.

Not questioning why he wanted me, I stood up and was lead into a room with machines and a white capsule like thing.

The doctor had me lie down on some object and he gave me very easy instructions "Kaoru, I want you too say very very still, Okay." The object that I was on started moving into the capsule creating a buzz-like sound.

**1 Minute Later**

I was sitting on my hospital bed again, Watching the doctor scan over a clipboard and glance at me with pity. He doesn't need to pity me.

The doctor finally set that damn clipboard down and he ordered for everyone to leave the room so he could talk to me alone, Hikaru of course protested but in the end the tall boy made him leave.

"So...Can I go?" I asked hopefully he would comply and let me leave.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry but you can't leave." said sadly,Why did he say it sadly?

"Why?"

"Because...I'm sorry to break this to you but you have brain cancer and it is affecting your brain and I'm not sure your ready to leave yet, So after a few day you can go home but..." Cancer, My mind didn't register it yet.

"But what?" I asked still not processing what he just said.

"Kaoru Hitachiin you have 10 months to live, I'm so sorry." The doctor announced sadly.

"W-wha." The the damn broke, Tears flooded out my eyes and I put my head in my eyes.

This was the end for me, Why was I cursed, I happen to fall in love with my brother and now I'm dying.

Is this really the end for me?

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**I cried while writing this, Poor Kaoru.**

**Don't worry in the end Kaoru will get what he always wanted, Maybe even more.**


	4. My Obsession

_**Disclaimer:I do not own Ouran or the lyrics featured in this chapter.**_

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The doctor walked out with a shake of his head as I cried my eyes out and I saw that someone walked and more people followed.

_If you want me to listen, Whisper_

_If you want me to run just, Walk_

_Wrap your name in lace and leather_

_I can hear you_

_You don't need to talk_

I felt Hikaru's arms around me and the other the people had sad looks on their faces. "What wrong Kao, Can't you leave now?"

_Let us make thousand mistakes_

_Cause we will never learn_

I looke with tears streaming down my face, I remember now, I remember my disgusting love for my beautiful older brother.

I struggeled to get it out of my throat. I was obsessed with my brother because he was normal, He loved a girl that wasn't related to him.

_You're my obsession_

_My fetish, my religion_

_My confusion, my confession_

_The one I want tonight_

_You are my obsession_

_The question and conclusion_

_You are, you are, you are_

_My fetish you are_

I was disgusting, I deserved to die, I didn't deserve him.

"I h-have c-cancer. The d-doctor said I h-have 10 m-months to l-live." I broke down sobs raking my body.

_You can kiss me with your torture_

_Tie me up to golden chains_

_Leave me beggin undercover_

_Wrong or right_

_It's all a role play_

I felt tears land on my shoulder and neck. Why was Hiakru crying, He should be happy, He could finally be with Haruhi without having me in his way with my sick fetish.

I remembered everyone now, Honey-senpai was crying and so was Tamaki but not as much, Haruhi was crying and walking up to me, I didn't want her to touch me though.

_Let us make a thousand mistakes_

_We will never learn_

Kyouya looked like he was bout ready to cry but had to stay strong and Mori-senpai had a very sad look in his eyes.

Feeling two pairs of arms around me, I reached to hug Honey-senpai back but not Hikaru and Haruhi, They could hug each other and they 're my obsession

_My fetish, my religion_

_My confusion, my confession_

_The one I want tonight_

_You're my obsession_

_The question and conclusion_

_You are, you are, you are_

_My fetish you are_

_Come to me tonight_

"I just want to be a-alone for a m-minute, You can go h-home." I said sadly and broken.

They started to walk out but Hikaru and Haruhi stayed, I just couldn't help but think this was their fault.

I lowered my head so my bangs were sheilding my eyes "I said I want to be alone!" I raised my voice that was still cracking.

I could feel Hikaru's surprise at me yelling "Alright, I'll tell mom and dad okay." Hikaru said to me in a soft voice.

"I don't care."

With one last look from that annoying commoner, I fell back on the hospital bed slightly dejected.

I should tell Hikaru so he doesn't have to act like he care, It makes me angry.

I was always forgiving and caring, I put myself before Hikaru always and even when I'm dying he can't put me before Haruhi, A poor girl we've known for months.

Hikaru let her break into our world and destory our kingdom, I will never forgive him even if he's my love, My obsession, My fetish, My brother, My twin.

_You're my obsession_

_My fetish, my religion_

_You're my obsession_

_The question and conclusion_

_You are, you are, you are_

_My fetïsh you are_

I will always love you, Hikaru.

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_**This was featured with music by Cinema Bizarre -My Obsession  
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